Impatience

I've read many different places about how you rarely see overweight vegans. If you are avoiding animal products, you almost have to do a lot of cooking at home, and it's harder to get too many calories if you aren't eating animal products or highly processed convenience foods. I am not entirely avoiding the convenience foods, but I am making the effort to eat more fruits and veggies and cook at home as often as I can. I am also working out like crazy--3, 4, even 5 times a week at the gym, plus getting as many walks in as I can throughout the day. I have been doing all of this since before Christmas. Why aren't I skinny yet?

Okay, being skinny already is an unrealistic goal. I am far too overweight to go to skinny in a month and a half, no matter how good I am. I don't even want to be skinny, really, just at a healthy weight. But still, I am only down about 5 pounds, and I want to be down more, darnit!

I know that I am whining. I have been lifting weights and getting stronger, so I have to be gaining muscle. The fact that I have still lost weight while gaining muscle means even more fat is gone. I feel so much healthier, it's unreal. My body feels stronger and I have more energy. I even look better, more in shape, and my skin is clearer.

However, my stomach doesn't appear to be getting any smaller. My waist is still way too big, and I look pregnant in most clothes. It's even worse now that I am firming up in other parts of my body, because my stomach stands out so much more. I am extremely self-conscious about it, both because it looks horrible, and it is so unhealthy to have this big waist. On the plus side, it's making me grateful for my big hips, since at least that makes it more proportional, ;-).

I am not giving up. I like feeling better. I like doing my part to conserve our planetary resources and improve our environment. Even if I don't really lose any weight, I am getting healthier, I know. The thing is, I would be even healthier if I lost this extra weight. And, I can't get rid of all vanity--I want all this work to show in a better looking body! I just have to have confidence that if I keep plugging away at the exercise, and enjoying all the healthy options I have for delicious foods, the better looking body will come eventually.

I hope it decides to hurry, though!

Comfort Food

I feel kind of yucky today. I have had a cough for a couple of weeks now, and I could tell that I was fighting off a worse illness. For the most part, though, I felt successful. I made sure to eat plenty of fruits and vegetables. I kept working out. I tried to get enough sleep, successfully most nights. I thought I was winning the fight.

When I woke up feeling kind of sore and achy all over today, I put it down to the hard workout I did last night. Unfortunately, I am now thinking it is more than that. I am really, really tired, and not in a "I've done a lot today" way. I am still pretty achy, and even though I did work out hard last night, I usually don't stay this sore all day from a workout. I feel really warm, too, although that may be a consequence of living on the top floor of a building with the forced air, radiator heat, with the thermometer on the first floor.

Despite all this, I did not want to abandon my plan to finally cook dinner tonight. My kitchen has been a mess lately, due to a combination of being legitimately busy, and just not feeling like cleaning it. I have eaten at home some, but just sandwiches and fruit, or microwaving frozen food. Tonight we didn't have anywhere to go after work and school, so I resolved to clean my kitchen up and cook dinner. But I didn't feel like cooking at all.

Road's End Organics came to my rescue. Their Shells and Chreese was perfect for just this situation. It was easy to make from the box and completely dairy-free. I added peas to it and felt like it was semi-nutritious. And mac and cheese is such great comfort food. Not being able to eat macaroni and cheese is one of the big drawbacks of being vegan, I thought. But, now I can! And the kids love it, too, which is a double bonus.

We didn't sit around the table, but at least we all ate food I cooked at home, and it was at least semi-nutritious.