Sunday, February 11, 2007

Impatience

I've read many different places about how you rarely see overweight vegans. If you are avoiding animal products, you almost have to do a lot of cooking at home, and it's harder to get too many calories if you aren't eating animal products or highly processed convenience foods. I am not entirely avoiding the convenience foods, but I am making the effort to eat more fruits and veggies and cook at home as often as I can. I am also working out like crazy--3, 4, even 5 times a week at the gym, plus getting as many walks in as I can throughout the day. I have been doing all of this since before Christmas. Why aren't I skinny yet?

Okay, being skinny already is an unrealistic goal. I am far too overweight to go to skinny in a month and a half, no matter how good I am. I don't even want to be skinny, really, just at a healthy weight. But still, I am only down about 5 pounds, and I want to be down more, darnit!

I know that I am whining. I have been lifting weights and getting stronger, so I have to be gaining muscle. The fact that I have still lost weight while gaining muscle means even more fat is gone. I feel so much healthier, it's unreal. My body feels stronger and I have more energy. I even look better, more in shape, and my skin is clearer.

However, my stomach doesn't appear to be getting any smaller. My waist is still way too big, and I look pregnant in most clothes. It's even worse now that I am firming up in other parts of my body, because my stomach stands out so much more. I am extremely self-conscious about it, both because it looks horrible, and it is so unhealthy to have this big waist. On the plus side, it's making me grateful for my big hips, since at least that makes it more proportional, ;-).

I am not giving up. I like feeling better. I like doing my part to conserve our planetary resources and improve our environment. Even if I don't really lose any weight, I am getting healthier, I know. The thing is, I would be even healthier if I lost this extra weight. And, I can't get rid of all vanity--I want all this work to show in a better looking body! I just have to have confidence that if I keep plugging away at the exercise, and enjoying all the healthy options I have for delicious foods, the better looking body will come eventually.

I hope it decides to hurry, though!

2 comments:

Grr said...

Oh goodness, I SO get this, Susan! Here is some heartening news: My husband is a personal trainer and up on a lot of information about health and wellness. He was all lit up about a story he saw on Nightline last week (you can probably view it online) about visceral fat -- the fat around our organs. New studies have shown that we actually lose that visceral fat first, which is really important to our overall health but really frustrating because we can't SEE the weight coming off. It is so so so hard (and I struggle with it myself) but trust that your body is doing its work, just from the inside out!

Grrrlfriend Jess said...

Oh goodness, I SO get this, Susan! Here is some heartening news: My husband is a personal trainer and up on a lot of information about health and wellness. He was all lit up about a story he saw on Nightline last week (you can probably view it online) about visceral fat -- the fat around our organs. New studies have shown that we actually lose that visceral fat first, which is really important to our overall health but really frustrating because we can't SEE the weight coming off. It is so so so hard (and I struggle with it myself) but trust that your body is doing its work, just from the inside out!